According to these conversations MJ was seeing a girl called “Melissa” during the Dangerous World Tour rehearsals in June 1992. She was a co-ordinator, model and “does all kinds of things” but for some reason didn’t end up going on the DWT with him.
Conversations take place during Dangerous World Tour rehearsals, June 1992
G: Alright, so alright, you wanted to ask me something (i)?
M: I wanna what?
G: You wanted to ask me somthing-
M: Oh, no I didn’t wanna ask you something, I just wanted to let you know.
G: Oh, you just going to let me know. So what did she do, she came to your office?
M: Yeah, and I was in the back office…
G: Oh, she knows where your office is?
M: Of course she always knows where all the offices are. . .
G: Oh ok…
M: Anyway, I did what I said I was gunna do…
G: You put a towel over your head? Did you find a towel?
M: Yeah a white towel…
G: Laughs..and a hat?
M: Excuse me?
G: And a hat? That must have been a sight..
M: Yeah.. you know the hat that I always wear…
G: And what happened? You went outside and saw her or what?
M: Yeah, I had to leave the office bc I had a rehearsal to go to.. So she….talked to me…
G: Well, what did she say?
M: She talked to me, said you’ve been avoiding me?(of course not) and about drawing conclusions .. and stuff and well.. and then we left bc we had a rehearsal and stuff… she’s a, you know, she’s a coordinator and stuff… and she does a lot of stuff (i)the band
G: She models too?
M: She does all kinds of things..So we had a rehearsal and of course she was gonna be there.. and um.. so we talked during the break bc the band was still, they were still getting things together , the band members and the dancers and stuff…my dancers were going to be working with me…
G: Is she going on tour with you?…
M: No… Not anymore………. but um… uh, we had lunch together, we did lunch. She told me she goes like, Michael, why can I never get the chance to see you and never get through to you and I said.. I well I don’t wanna call you because I said you know (CUT in audio)spend some time with you and stuff. And So… We were.. talking and stuff like that about the situation that had happened…and she said.. so she goes I love you Michael and I’ll do whatever it takes and all that right? and um, so I had to be honest with her..and she told me..one of the things that she told me today was, she goes like.. well i’d like to spend some time with you before you leave because of what happened you know..
G: Is that what she told you?
M: No she knew before that…that.. I was kinda interested in her.. and I know I can trust this girl, like I told you a long time ago right?. I said I know I can trust her, I dont have any bad feelings I told you that…
G: Did you ever tell Kathy?…
M: No I haven’t…please… believe me now…
G: Eh, Alright.. it just blows me away because you guys have known each other for such a long time and she’s so devoted to you..
M: Well you know its not like I tell everyone that I’ve known for a long time…Kathy and I haven’t spoken and stuff since all that stuff with my brothers was going on I will tell her… you know.. when I feel like talking… I just don’t want to now I mean I know a lot of ppl.. .and..I dont think (i) not that Kathy would do anything to betray me…but anyway.. when she was talkin she goes..well I know your situation, I had a towel on my head and I got a surgical mask …all that.. I could never see you again.. or something should happen and I’m really worried about that and I just wanna be with you..you know, one to one.. with out the gang being around..its just its important to me.. to be with you I dont care I just want to spend time with you…
G: Go on..!
M: Ya know that’s what she said…. like it doesn’t matter, no matter what ya know… she told me that she’s afraid she’s going to lose me as a friend or whatever, she’s afraid she’s not going to see me
G: But she must care for you.
M: Yeah, I know she does.
G: So what are you gonna do?
M: Well.. I’m gonna, I’m gonna be with her…hold on.. (i)
G: Okay
M: And she said well I want whats best for you! I said damnit! let me make my own mistakes!..If it’s a mistake fine, if its not fine.. but just…
G: How come people are so protective of you, Michael? You have a lot of people who really love you..and want whats best for you, you’re not alone.
M: It doesn’t matter, I (i) my own choices and my own decisions.
G: Tell me something, you know what? you told me before that you’re the loneliest person
M: I am!
G: Then how can you be that way when there are so many people…
M: Because I don’t love those people like that! I want to be with someone…I want to know what a relationship is all about before I die, cant you understand that girl?… I never had.. I mean I’ve been with Tate.. I’ve been, well not with.. I been with Tate..I thought I was with Diana.. it was just in my own mind..
G: You were a little boy..
M: I know, I have never had a real relationship, my brothers have been married… My brothers have had girlfriends I really haven’t had that….
G: How long did it take you to get over Diana?
M: Years…… A hell of a long time..I just .. wanna know what its like girl…. to have a real relationship with someone who doesn’t want me for me…. that I dont, I dont’ have to look over my shoulder all the time…
G: Who doesn’t have an ulterior motive..?
M: Yeah, that doesn’t question me.. I mean..(i) I dont… and, and.. like La Toya said in her book.. she said, either I am going to have to find somebody who doesn’t know who the heck I am.. o rrr..oorr deal with somebody whos career is equally as important, or equally like mine..
G: Well.. a nix to both of those…….
M: What am I gonna do.. I dont want to die without knowing about ..having a real relationship with a women or being involved.. I .. I was involved but we never did anything.. we never really had sex…
G: But that was your decision, that wasn’t her’s I mean
M: But.. ya.. but girl, girlfriend had my nose wide open… ok, you could drive a truck through my nose…
G: Laughs…That is the craziest expression. How did they come up with that… I am just wondering who thought of it.. I don’t understand how your nose can be wide open
M: I don’t know
G: But it had to come from somewhere and I just wanted to the people who made it up.
G- It’s the craziest expression I have ever heard
M: it’s a black thing
G- Laughing..Black thing? What is it with your nose? I can’t understand how your nose can be wide open?
M-I don’t know..(whispers–It’s just, it’s personal)
G-I mean it had to come from somewhere. Somebody had to have made it up and I was wondering what they were thinking when they made it up?
M-It’s a black secret
G-OK Laughing
M-So I loved her so much..GOD
G-So was that the first time..
M- No, no (whispers) (it was ??)
G-Where did Tatum and that..what was that other girls..
M-Tate..I dealt with Tate when I was a little bit younger..She came up to me in a club..we were in a club..(I) and she put her hand on mind and I couldn’t believe it (break in tape){This is obvious the poster of these audios was throwing us off. They skip from talking about Tatum O’Neal to this woman)…Glenda laughing..Now they are talking about someone else
M-…anything. I would give her money, I would give her jewlery, I would give her a house, a car, whatever.. I was never good enough. It was like…ya know..
G-Well she wanted all of you Michael..she wanted a relationship
M-She knew how I was from the beginning..it wasn’t like she didn’t
G-Well she was probably hoping then that it would change
M-But, not until I got married
G-Well I know that..and I’m sure that she loved you..and when you have been with somebody for that many years
M-I loved her so much..I didn’t want to see that..I did not want to see that.and I knew she was fooling around..I know girl..I know it for a FACT
G-Don’t you think that attracted you to the fact that she was such a strong person and she stood up for you against your dad and she was always there..wasn’t that alot of the attraction
M-Yeh
G Because she’s older than you huh?
M-well yeah…
G: That you were drawn to that.
M: Yeh I was
G: (I)
M: And I was so in love and I had my nose wide open and I didn’t want to believe what was really going on. (Tape cut)..It didn’t matter..she (Tape cut) (I), but, that’s another story. (I) And it was a good thing that it was finally over.
G: You don’t have any regrets?
M: No, uh uh, I don’t regret that I didn’t sleep with her. I’m glad I didn’t. (I)….
G: Yeh that’s a long story.
M: I didn’t. I wish it changed but I havent been married before, ever.. having a relationship like that before, I never …Being in a normal…having a relationship with someone (I) I never had that.
G: Well, I think everybody wants too…
M: But, I HAVEN’T
G: OK
M: And that’s what I want. I know I’m not going to be here very long or whatever.
G: I hope it will be years..
M: What?
G: How long do you think you will be here?
M: You can’t ask me, I don’t know, what kind of question is that I don’t know
G: (I)
M: I don’t know…You could come up with all kind of actual facts and die!
G: Do you think (I) Now? (I)
M: Like Melissa told me today..and she was right… she said I want to see you I want to spend time with you before you leave.. I dont care.. what the circumstances are because she knows about my condition, she knows my situation now…. and shes like I don’t care whatever you want.. but I don’t know if I will ever see you again and stuff.. she was honest enough, she told me..
G: She sounds very nice.
M: It doesn’t matter with her no matter what, ya know!
G: She sounds very nice..She sounds very good.
M: I don’t want to die not having a relationship like everybody else around me have had..I don’t want to die
G: I know (I)
M: But (whispers – she accepts me as I am?)
G: That’s hard to find Michael.
M: I don’t have time to wait.
G: You’re pushing 34 my dear. Laughing
M: Yeh and I have never had that. I’ve never had that kind of relationship. Why would I want (Tape cut). Everyone else I know have had it..But, I never have.
G: Well, I guess it’s time you get it.
M: I know it is. (Tape Cut)….I trashed her..Even though we had fallen in love. I ruin my own relationships. (It’s always about sex?)
G: You do!
M: Oh, I want that too. I don’t know how I’m gonna get it (I)
G: You can’t get satisfaction in that relationship.
M: Well, I won’t do it.
(Tape cut)
G: Cause it sounds like she doesn’t care for him that much
M: Yeh (I) What?
G: That will be very sad!
(tape cut)
M: don’t know what I’m gonna do
(tape cut)
G: I think it is important that you hold on to everything that you hold dear.
M: What?
G: I think that it is important that you hold on to everything that you hold dea
M: (Tape cut) (I) I hold on until the last days
G: (I)everything that you hold dear
M: You know what. I don’t want it.
G: Cause of that night?
M: Yeh (I) and people and situations and stuff (tape cut) But, I’m sure about (I)
G: You have alot of people that love you very much…you do…
M: I have alot of people that don’t know what’s going on
G: About you? (I) …have you told those people (I)…remember open doors.
M: But with any (I) I have..some of it went (I)….
G: That’s good..That’s very good. Because I know you’ve been through a lot(I) Do you figure you’ll be able to do that?
La Cienega Just Smiles 